Having a schedule is incredibly important. Without it I go nuts. I walk aimlessly and lose my peace. I waste time and am a lot less productive.
Ever since the birth of my second daughter my schedule has been all wacked. I don’t seem to have time for anything. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep (rinse and repeat). Days flow into months and I lose the sense of time. This is a bad place to be in. The worse part is that I didn’t even notice this until recently. I realized that I completely lost the sense of sacredness of time.
Before, my day was aligned with the liturgy of the Church. I woke up, did my Morning Prayer, read the Office of Reading and was ready for work! Work was opus dei, it had meaning. Even when I was bored I knew that everything I do can be offered to God. In the evening the Evening Prayer was a great way to thank God for all the good things that happened that day. Finally at night a short examination of conscience summed up the day. There is great order in the prayer of the Church. I want to re-kindle that order in my life.
I don’t know how I gradually moved away from this regular pattern. It started with missing the morning prayer from time to time. At first I wasn’t too troubled since I did it for valid reasons (baby screaming for food is a valid reason!). Soon I was missing it more and more. I tried to justify it by listening to the prayer on the bus on my iPod but it is not the same. This break with a routine soon transferred to the evening. Tired from a full day of work and playing with my kids I skipped the evening prayers. I’m amazed how fast bad habits grow. Soon I didn’t even do my Office of Reading.
I am glad that I’m starting to realize how much these things mean to me. Without them I become lazy and I can feel a great disturbance in myself. It is a lot easier to sin when I don’t think about God as often as I should. Sin multiplies sin and I really think that I’m in a need of spiritual emergency room.
I’m starting slowly to undo the damage I have done. My spiritual muscles are weak and I find it difficult to pray. I think it will be a while until I am back to my old routine but I hope that I will make it. The first step is to go and clean my soul by good confession. I need the “grace bath” to wash away the horrible filth that has accumulated in me over the last few months.